JUILLIARD PRACTICE ROOM. CLAUDIA plays her violin softly as she pulls the bow across it. She is in a semi-circle with three other violinists. The instructor, PROFESSOR OLDHAM, is pacing back and forth in front of them, waving his hands to the tempo of the piece. Occasionally he bites his lip in frustration and combs his fingers through his hair. He finally gives in and stops the playing.
PROFESSOR OLDHAM: Stop! Please just stop now and don’t play another note.
CLAUDIA: (Frustrated) I don’t get it. It sounded like we were okay. What’s wrong?
PROFESSOR OLDHAM: What’s wrong? You just said it yourself, Ms. Salinger. (Mockingly) “It sounded like we were okay.” Of course you sounded okay. You sounded okay because you were playing it safe. Well, let me tell you that Jean-Marie Leclair was not a safe man. And why was he the most important man in the French Baroque period? (The students remain silent.) Because he opposed the traditional beautiful tone of violin music! You don’t understand that he deliberately wrote this music with a style of seriousness and rigor. It’s dangerous! It’s risky! What it’s not is “okay.” You are trying to play him like Schubert or Mozart, which is ludicrous!
CLAUDIA: So what can we do?
PROFESSOR OLDHAM: You are my top second-year students. You should be able to figure it out. I’ll give you a hint by saying this piece of music is not supposed to be pretty, so please stop being so obedient and take a risk, for God’s sake. I’m tired of you…children wanting to do things by the book all the time. Surprise me once in a while. I just can’t fully express my disappointment. (He pauses for a moment and rests his head in his hands before speaking.) I know this is difficult music, but you are at Juilliard to conquer men like Leclair. (He glances at the clock.) Now that’s all the time we have for today, so we’ll come up with a plan for you next time. Dismissed. (The students begin to pack up their instruments and sheet music. Claudia holds her violin in her lap with a hurt look on her face before slowly putting her violin in its case. She is packing up when the instructor clears his throat.)
PROFESSOR OLDHAM: Claudia. May I see you in my office for a moment?
PO5 Credits
THE FACTORY. The workers on the factory floor below are buzzing with activity, moving the production line along at full pace. Lumber is being sawed, sanded, and shaped into beautiful furniture designs. LUKE is in the office behind his desk, going over paperwork. He finishes writing in a ledger and looks over his work. His entries are among the only written in ink; most others are in pencil with several erasure marks through them. GRIFFIN is on the other side of the small office, loading the fax machine with paper. Once done, he grabs a stack of design drawings of a chair. CHARLIE enters, staring at a blueprint of the same chair.
CHARLIE: Hey Grif, that new depth guard you put on the meter saw... it's perfect for pre-fitting this joint. We were gonna have to carve it by hand, but now...well, you just saved us about twenty minutes a chair. (Griffin smirks as Luke breaks in.)
LUKE: Yeah, that’s great…as long as Kathleen still orders them.
CHARLIE: Come on, Luke.
LUKE: I’m sorry, Charlie. But I just don’t get it. I mean, why was I being so secretive about you being my partner if you were planning on—
CHARLIE: Look, I wasn’t planning on telling her anything, okay? It just… (He sighs.) She was going to sign those papers without knowing about me. I just…I couldn’t take her money like that.
LUKE: And now we might not be taking it at all.
CHARLIE: I still say she didn’t seem all that phased by it. I mean, (turning to Griffin) did you sense anything?
GRIFFIN: (Shrugging) Me? I, uh—
LUKE: What did you expect her to do, Charlie? Tell her associates, “Oops, sorry…this guy broke my heart…deal’s off?” No business woman would do that. (Charlie shakes his head, as Griffin grabs a paper off the fax machine.) I’ll tell you what she’s going to do. She’s going to call another manufacturer, give them our design, and say, “How much will it cost for you to make this?”
GRIFFIN: (Looking at the fax) Eight-hundred and seventy thousand dollars.
LUKE: What?
GRIFFIN: That’s how much it’s going to cost her. (Handing the paper to Luke, as Charlie looks over his shoulder.) Here’s her purchase order. (Charlie smiles smugly at Luke, who continues staring at the paper.)
JUILLIARD. CLAUDIA slowly approaches her instructor’s office door, which is slightly ajar. She takes a deep breath and enters.
CLAUDIA: Professor Oldham? You wanted—?
PROFESSOR: (Gesturing to a chair) Have a seat.
CLAUDIA: (Sitting down) Look, I’m sorry about what happened today. I know—
PROFESSOR: I’m seeing some minor improvement in your bowing.
CLAUDIA: Um, okay…
PROFESSOR: But I hope you’ll take what I said today as if it were directed solely to you.
CLAUDIA: (Embarrassed) Believe me…I already have.
PROFESSOR: Would you stop giving me that puppy dog face? You look like every word I say is going to emotionally scar you. (Claudia looks confused.) I gave that talk today because I know that you are extraordinarily brilliant, and the last thing I need is for you to get flustered.
CLAUDIA: Okay, but can I ask…why me? I mean, if we’re your top second-year students, shouldn’t we all be hearing this?
PROFESSOR: Perhaps. But it’s you that I want to compete in the Welborne competition.
CLAUDIA: The…what competition?
PROFESSOR: The Welborne competition. Its a four week contest for the nation’s top violin students. During that time you will go through a series of rounds: preliminaries, semi-finals and finals. You bring a musical composition…a kind of collage of three different pieces.
CLAUDIA: (Raising her eyebrows) Wow. That sounds exciting! What happens if I win?
PROFESSOR: Well, you don’t get a sack of money or anything as exciting as that.
CLAUDIA: (Shaking her head) No, that’s not—
PROFESSOR: But what you do get is the respect of the music world…and the ability to basically write your own ticket once you graduate. (Claudia is silent, taking this all in.) Historically, Juilliard’s faculty committee selects only one student to represent the school. This year, they chose Claudia Salinger.
CLAUDIA: Just me? But there must be some fourth-year students who are—
PROFESSOR: Better than you? Perhaps. But…we thought we could get some good press if a second year student entered and succeeded. So…all we need to know is if you think you’re up to the task. (Claudia breathes in deeply.)
JULIA’S APARTMENT. JULIA is putting sheets on the couch in the living room. OWEN is sitting in a chair in his pajamas, reading a comic book. Julia finishes setting up the couch for Owen, fluffing up a pillow at one end.
JULIA: There you go, kiddo. You’re all set. (Owen walks over to the couch and plops himself down, scooting over to one end. He’s still holding his comic book. He gets under the sheet and Julia pulls it up, straightening it for him.)
OWEN: Thanks. (Smiling up at her.) This is fun. It’s like when I used to live with Bailey.
JULIA: (Smiling back) It is fun, isn’t it? It’s great to have you here, O. And you know, you don’t have to wait until someone takes a trip to come over. You can stay with me anytime.
OWEN: Really? Cool! (He leans over and grabs the remote for the TV, and switches the power on.) Can we watch South Park?
JULIA: Uh…how about if we watch Bugs Bunny instead?
OWEN: Bugs Bunny?
JULIA: (Sighs) Oh, alright. But just this once. (She leans down and hugs him, smiling.) And don’t tell Charlie.
CHARLIE'S HOUSE. CHARLIE walks in, instinctively announcing:
CHARLIE: I’m home. (He takes his wallet and keys, neatly stowing them away right where they belong, in a side drawer of the table near the door. He looks around the house and then realizes he’s alone.)
THE BENNETT HOUSEHOLD, CHICAGO. KIRSTEN is sitting at the dining room table, feeding STEWIE a cookie for dessert. MRS. BENNETT is sitting across from them, sipping her coffee, watching as Kirsten breaks off tiny pieces of the cookie and feeds them to Stewie.
KIRSTEN: (To Stewie) Is that good, sweetie? Yum-yum.
MRS. BENNETT: You like that, pumpkin? Your daddy likes Grandma’s cookies too. (Stewie lets out a squeal, and begins to cry.)
KIRSTEN: (Trying to comfort him) Oh, no, honey, don’t cry.
MRS. BENNETT: Oh, I’m sorry. He must miss his daddy, too.
KIRSTEN: Mom! I never thought I’d see the day I’d hear you say you miss Charlie.
MRS. BENNETT: I was talking about you, dear.
KIRSTEN: (A little embarrassed) Oh. (Stewie begins to wail, and Kirsten lifts him out of his high chair, placing him on her lap.) Shhh…it’s okay, sweetie.
MRS. BENNETT: Look what I’ve done. He was enjoying himself so much, and then I had to go and open my big mouth.
KIRSTEN: Mom, I’m sure it’s not that. He’s teething, that’s all. (Bouncing Stewie on her lap) Shhh…
MRS. BENNETT: Here. (Cuts a piece of pumpkin pie, places it on a plate, and hands it to Kirsten) Try giving him some of this. The pie is soft and cold. It’ll help sooth his gums. Kirsten takes the plate, feeds some to Stewie, and he stops crying.)
KIRSTEN: Thanks.
MRS. BENNETT: Of course, it’s not the fancy desserts I’m sure you’re used to getting at Salingers’, but it’ll do the trick.
KIRSTEN: I’m sure he loves it, and he doesn't know the difference. Plus we don't eat at Salingers' much.
MRS. BENNETT: Well, I just assumed that with all of his late nights, you and Stewie joined him at the restaurant for dinner. (Kirsten presses her lips together, then feeds Stewie another bit of pie) I always thought dinnertime meant family time to Charlie. He was always so stern about it, too…
KIRSTEN: He’s just been busy, Mom.
MRS. BENNETT: (Raising her eyebrows) Hmm. He must be…seeing as he doesn’t even have time to visit with his In-Laws. (Kirsten glares at her mother) Well…I’m sure we’ll see each other over the holidays.
KIRSTEN: Don’t count on it. They just signed on to do a huge job with a new client at the factory, and holidays are the busiest time for the restaurant…
MRS. BENNETT: Well, then…we’ll visit with you and Stewie. I’d just hate to see you spend the holidays by yourselves.
KIRSTEN: (Frustrated) Mom, it’s okay…really. We won’t be alone. I have plenty of friends who…
MRS. BENNETT: …who have families of their own, with whom I’m sure they’re spending the holidays.
KIRSTEN: (Looking up at the ceiling for a moment, then back at her mother) Well, maybe Charlie will take some time off…and that’ll make the holidays even more special.
MRS. BENNETT: (Raising one eyebrow, sarcastically) Why don’t you just ask Santa Claus? Maybe he’ll bring you what you want for Christmas. (Gets up, picks up a couple of plates, and carries them into the kitchen. Kirsten tilts her head to the side, biting her lip.)
CHARLIE'S BEDROOM. CHARLIE is sitting on the edge of the bed, unlacing his boots. He takes them off, picks them up, and walks over to the closet. He's about to place them next to his other pairs — all neatly lined up inside — when he stops, tosses them in a corner, and smiles. He turns on the TV to a college basketball game, and flops down on the bed.
GRIFFIN’S APARTMENT. GRIFFIN is sitting at the kitchen table, looking through the San Francisco Chronicle’s Arts and Entertainment section. He sighs heavily as MICHELLE enters the kitchen and walks to the refrigerator.
MICHELLE: (Looking over her shoulder as she opens the refrigerator) Checking movie times? I heard Monsters, Inc. is really hilarious.
GRIFFIN: (Looking up) Huh?
MICHELLE: (Pouring a glass of juice) Monsters, Inc. The Disney movie. You know, it’s another one of those billion dollar marketing schemes right before the holidays. They hook you with a cute flick and get the kids screaming for all the toys and clothes…just in time for Santa. (Smiling) Guess it’s a good thing Matthew isn’t old enough to ask for that stuff yet, eh?
GRIFFIN: Oh…yeah. Naw, I’m not going to the movies.
MICHELLE: Oh. Well, is there some big concert I didn’t hear about?
GRIFFIN: (Shaking his head, engrossed in the paper) No… (hesitantly) …actually, I’m trying to find someplace…to take Julia. (Michelle’s expression changes slightly.) Sorry. I was trying not to mention it.
MICHELLE: No big deal. Hey, I asked, right? (After a slight pause) Um…what’s the occasion?
GRIFFIN: It’s nothin’. I’ll figure something out.
MICHELLE: No, really. Maybe I can help.
GRIFFIN: Really? God, that would be great. I’m not having too much luck with this. I just wanted to take her to a show or something that would cheer her up.
MICHELLE: (Leaning over his shoulder to look at the paper) Here, let me see. I’m sure we can find something she’d enjoy. (Griffin smiles at Michelle as she sits down in the chair next to him and starts turning the pages.)
THE LAUNDRY ROOM at Bailey’s Dormitory. BAILEY and COLE are taking their laundry out of the washing machines and putting them into dryers.
COLE: You got any more of those Bounce sheets?
BAILEY: Do you buy anything on your own? (Handing him a sheet) My laundry detergent…my Bounce…
COLE: Come on, man. You act like I don’t do you any favors.
BAILEY: Name one. COLE: Well… (Bailey raises his brows.) There was, uh… What about the time when… Hmm. (He pauses.)
BAILEY: What? When you convinced my girlfriend I was cheating on her? Or how about the time you were going to sell me your Beowulf paper.
COLE: Yeah, but I only asked for five bucks.
BAILEY: You asked for twenty!
COLE: What are you…part elephant? (Bailey gives him a look.) Alright, fine. Tomorrow night me and Robby are going to see the Smelling Salts in Baltimore. If you want, you’re in.
BAILEY: The Smelling—? I’ve never heard of ‘em.
COLE: They rock, man. I’ll even float your ticket.
BAILEY: That’s, uh…generous. But I can’t. I got plans with Will.
COLE: So…cancel. He’ll understand.
BAILEY: Nah, I can’t. Maria and Jean are going. If I skip out, Maria’ll be a third wheel.
COLE: Crap, that means we gotta crash in B-more for the night.
BAILEY: Why?
COLE: No designated driver. (Cole pushes a button to start the dryer.)
SALINGERS'. CHARLIE is behind the bar, taking inventory of the liquor stock on a clipboard. The door opens and Kathleen walks in. She looks around for a moment, like a tourist soaking in an attraction. She steps toward the bar just as Charlie turns around. Kathleen is caught slightly off guard, and Charlie looks surprised as well.
KATHLEEN: You're...here.
CHARLIE: (Smiling) Gee, I was kinda hoping the name of the place would keep it a secret.
KATHLEEN: You know what I mean.
CHARLIE: It's still mine. Imagine that.
KATHLEEN: Charlie, I'm not here to pick a fight. It's just that...looking around, this place hasn't changed. Same tables, same booths, same bartender—
CHARLIE: Kathleen—
KATHLEEN: Only now, he also manufactures furniture. Pretty ambitious, Charlie…running two businesses.
CHARLIE: Your order'll be ready on time, and on budget, too, if that's what you’re worried about.
KATHLEEN: Hmmm…you still get that aggressive sound in your voice when you're threatened. I forgot that about you.
CHARLIE: I'm not going to get drawn back into that stuff with you, Kathleen.
KATHLEEN: Charlie, wait. You're getting it backwards. I'm trying to give you a compliment, but I guess I'm screwing it up a little. Or a lot. I tend to do that, try to say something nice and just completely mangle it.
CHARLIE: Wait. This is you being polite?
KATHLEEN: Yeah, I know. I'm working on it. What I was trying to say was, seeing your furniture, and that place, and those workers...I didn't think you'd still be working here.
CHARLIE: (Trying to contain a smile) This is the compliment part, right?
KATHLEEN: It just looks as though you don't have to put in time here if you don't want. But you're still doing it. That's... honorable. (Charlie chuckles.) CHARLIE: Did you just use that word?
KATHLEEN: It’s been a long time, Charlie…and a lot of things have changed. You know the old saying about bygones. What do you say? (Charlie thinks for a moment.) CHARLIE: What are you doing for dinner tomorrow night?
NEW YORK. The noises of car horns, people and construction sound as SARAH and CLAUDIA walk down 57th street.
SARAH: I just felt so strange! It’s so not what I imagined. Not one bit glamorous, you know? I mean, my hair was wet and drippy and the photographer kept saying the most ridiculous things…
CLAUDIA: (Laughing) I can’t believe you had to do that! Wearing nothing but a towel in a Neutrogena ad…gosh, I would have been so embarrassed! When does the ad come out?
SARAH: Albert says it’s hard to tell…they just pop up in a magazine somewhere! Other times they’ll tell us when and what magazine I’ll see it in. And they usually send us the proofs first. But I don’t think they’ll be out soon because I haven’t even been paid yet.
CLAUDIA: (Concerned) You haven’t? Wow. Did you talk to Albert about that?
SARAH: Yeah…but he said he’s still waiting for the client to send a check. I thought I would be getting some money coming in by now you know? (Claudia nods.) What am I going to live on?
CLAUDIA: Don’t worry. Me casa is su casa, remember?
SARAH: Yeah, but if you’ll be living with a host family for the competition…where will I go?
CLAUDIA: Don’t worry about that. I’m sure my roommates won’t mind you staying with them for a while. Just take your time until things get back on track and you find the right place.
SARAH: (Sighing) Okay. Thanks, Claud. (They arrive at the post office. Sarah walks up to her PO Box and opens it. She pulls out a stack of mail.) Bills, junk, junk and more bills. I hate how many trees get wasted for all this stuff. (She sifts through the mail, coming across an envelope that gets her attention. She opens it to find a plane ticket inside.)
CLAUDA: What is it?
SARAH: It’s a ticket to San Francisco and… (looks up at Claudia) …it’s for next week — the day before Thanksgiving. (Claudia and Sarah look confused.)
JULIA’S APARTMENT. JULIA is sitting on the couch with her legs curled up underneath her, reading a book. The door opens and GRIFFIN walks in carrying a Barney’s Gourmet Hamburgers bag. She puts her book down and looks up.
JULIA: Finally! I’m starving. It took you guys like forever to get those burgers.
GRIFFIN: Sorry… (He takes the bag into the kitchen and sets it on the counter.)
JULIA: (Looking alarmed) Hey…where’s Owen?
GRIFFIN: Um…he’s at Daphne’s.
JULIA: What? What’s he doing there?
GRIFFIN: (Walking quickly into the living room) Well…he’s going to stay there tonight ‘cuz….‘cuz I have a surprise for you.
JULIA: (Sitting up and grinning widely) A surprise? Really?
GRIFFIN: (Smiling) Yeah… (He sits down on the couch next to her.) Close your eyes. (Julia obliges, still smiling.)
JULIA: Okay… (Griffin takes a small envelope out of his shirt pocket.)
GRIFFIN: Okay. You can open them now. (Julia opens her eyes and looks at the envelope. She opens it excitedly, then stares.)
JULIA: Oh my God….Griffin. Tickets to Ulysses at the Miracle Theatre. Griffin, that’s so cool.
GRIFFIN: I thought we could use a night out, you know, doing something different.
JULIA: You’re so sweet.
GRIFFIN: Well, it’s really more for me. (Shrugging) You know, with how much I love these dramatic…literature…drama things. (Julia smiles, putting her arms around him.)
JULIA: It’s perfect. Just like you. (She leans in to kiss him as the scene fades.)
CENTRAL PARK. The Mall. Sarah and Claudia are strolling down the lane, under the grand canopy of trees with their bright autumn hue.
SARAH: So, I call my mom, and her new husband answers. He sent the ticket. Turns out, he's trying to be a true "step-dad" to me. Looking forward to a whole "holiday bonding" thing going on. But, and here's the thing — it kind of feels like a bribe. You know, "we'll fly you back here if..."
CLAUDIA: Wow.
SARAH: Yeah, so I'm kinda torn. I mean, how do I choose?
CLAUDIA: Completely. (Sarah glances at Claudia, and notices that she's only been listening to her with one ear.)
SARAH: So then I called Bailey and begged him to marry me.
CLAUDIA: Weird. (After a slight pause) Wait! What?!
SARAH: Just checking…
CLAUDIA: Don't do that! My heart just practically palpitated.
SARAH: (Laughing) Claudia...
CLAUDIA: I mean it. It’s probably up to like 300 beats per minute now.
SARAHA: What’s going on?
CLAUDIA: The Welbourne thing. It’s like…I really think I should be worrying about it, but...
SARAH: What, you're not thinking about it?
CLAUDIA: No, that's just it. I am. I am, but I'm not nervous. And, and this going to sound weird, but I was getting nervous over why I wasn't getting nervous. (Sarah tilts her head and smiles.) I know! It's ridiculous. But that's when I realized what it was. I'm not nervous because this isn't work. I mean it’s work, but it's just what I love to do. This isn't some job I have to do; I'm doing exactly what I want. (Sarah’s smile begins to fade.) I mean, yeah, I could make a living playing some stupid sessions, but it's not "the dream", you know? (Sarah nods her head. There's no strength or conviction in her voice when she speaks.)
SARAH: It's great to see you get this shot, Claud. (She forces a slight smile.)
SALINGERS'. CHARLIE and KATHLEEN are sitting in a booth by the fireplace, having drinks.
KATHLEEN: …and so after I was promoted to an L.A. news channel and did a few human interest pieces, the Times saw some, then asked me to write a piece for them. And it’s funny, but as soon as I did, something changed. I realized I was reaching people. Touching their lives. (After a slight pause) And they were touching mine. (She takes a sip of wine.) Anyone can get a camera and record stuff. But it’s getting involved with the people that makes it real.
CHARLIE: (Smiling) Wow…I can't believe it. You've gone soft.
KATHLEEN: Can we call it "matured?" It just sounds more...
CHARLIE: ...grown-up? (Kathleen laughs.)
KATHLEEN: You think I'm a push-over now, don't you?
CHARLIE: Compared to... (She flashes him a look.) Yeah, sorry, that was bad. I just... I dunno, don't expect people to change that much. So I just go back to the old me sometimes. You know, the one with the aggressive sound in his voice. Must be a reflex or something.
KATHLEEN: Ah, but I’m not the only one who’s changed, am I? (She glances at Charlie’s wedding band.)
CHARLIE: (Grinning and looking down at his hand) No, I guess not.
KATHLEEN: (Smiling over her glass) I have to say, I never thought I’d see the day. You must have gone out kicking and screaming.
CHARLIE: (Sighing) It’s not always easy, but I’m working on it.
KATHLEEN: Oh? (With a twinkle in her eye) Why is that, some habits just die hard?
CHARLIE: (With a small grin) Touché. (Kathleen smiles.) It’s funny, but you get into this rhythm in your life, this constant motion of being on the go, and you keep thinking, if I can just get over this one little hump that things will slow down a little…that you can get things under control. But there’s always something else behind the hump.
KATHLEEN: Not with you, there wasn’t.
CHARLIE: Funny. (Kathleen smiles.)
KATHLEEN: You know what our problem is, Charlie? You’ve become me and I’ve become you.
CHARLIE: Minus the five o’clock shadow.
KATHLEEN: As stubborn as you are, I think you’re going to have to make a conscious effort to reprioritize things. Otherwise, before you know it, life will just pass you by. (Charlie looks away, thinking.) One of the great wisdoms I learned after “going soft,” you know. (Kathleen takes another sip of wine.)
MIRACLE THEATRE, SAN FRANCISCO. JULIA and GRIFFIN are walking out of the theatre, holding hands.
JULIA: Well, that was certainly…different.
GRIFFIN: Oh. You didn’t like it?
JULIA: Um…I can’t say I didn’t like it exactly…it just wasn’t what I expected.
GRIFFIN: Yeah…I thought it was going to be about Greek mythology or something, not a bunch of Irish people singing.
JULIA: (Laughing) I don’t think this was what James Joyce had in mind. Singing and dancing? He must be turning over in his grave.
GRIFFIN: (Shrugging) Sorry, Jul. I tried.
JULIA: No, don’t apologize. I had a great time. And anyway, how could you know?
GRIFFIN: Thanks. Guess I should read a review first next time, huh?
JULIA: (Starting to laugh again) Maybe…maybe next they can do Dr. Faustus, or better yet, Paradise Lost! (They both laugh harder and Julia clutches Griffin’s arm as they continue walking down the street.)
A CARNIVAL in Philadelphia. BAILEY, WILL, MARIA and JEAN are standing in front of a ferris wheel. Will is leaning against a lamp post, looking a bit pale.
WILL: I don’t get it. I ate a burger just like you guys…so why is it I’m the only one who’s about to puke? (Pointing to Bailey) And don’t even try telling me that ferris wheel was spinning at normal speed.
JEAN: Uh, something tells me it wasn’t the burger, Will. Maybe it was the cotton candy.
MARIA: Or the popcorn.
BAILEY: Or the carmel apple.
JEAN: Or—
WILL: Okay, okay. Sheesh. What’d you guys do…keep a log? (Will takes in a deep breath.)
JEAN: Well, even though it’s his own fault, I guess I should get him home. (To Bailey) You mind if I borrow your Jeep?
BAILEY: Sure. But you don’t have to do that. We can all go.
WILL: Guys—
JEAN: No way. Why should you guys suffer just because Will can’t keep his gummy worms down? (Will looks sick at the mention of this.) I’ll come back for you later.
WILL: Guys—
MARIA: (To Jean) Don’t worry about us. It’s only a few blocks back to campus. We can walk it.
JEAN: You sure? (Maria nods.) Bailey?
BAILEY: Fine with me. (Will suddenly bends over a trash can. A loud, heaving noise reverberates in the can.)
BAILEY/MARIA/JEAN: Eww!
STEWIE’S ROOM. CHARLIE walks in the room carrying a small stack of baby clothes. He pulls open Stewie’s dresser and starts putting away the clothes. After he’s finished, he steps back and is about to turn the light off when he hears a high-pitched voice say, “Let’s sing!” The voice begins singing “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider,” and Charlie bends down to pick up a stuffed frog toy. He smiles, then sits down in the rocking chair and looks at the toy. He squeezes it again, and it begins singing, “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star.” His smile begins to fade as he rocks back and forth, thinking.
THE UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA. The campus is dark, save for the light from the various lamp posts. BAILEY and MARIA walk leisurely toward the dorms.
BAILEY: “Just a few blocks,” huh?
MARIA: Okay, so maybe it was a little more than a few. Like…ten more. (They laugh.)
BAILEY: Well, at least it’s nice out.
MARIA: Yeah, but my feet are killing me.
BAILEY: Why didn’t you say so? We can rest for a few. (Bailey and Maria sit on a wooden bench overlooking a large, circular lawn area. The centerpiece of the area is a beautifully crafted armillary sphere on a pedestal, illuminated by a number of small footlights.) Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen this place before.
MARIA: I’ve walked through here a bunch of times…but it looks nothing like this during the day.
BAILEY: (Pointing toward the centerpiece) So what do you think that arrow-thing is?
MARIA: You’ve never seen an armillary sphere?
BAILEY: A what?
MARIA: Dante wrote about it in The Divine Comedy. It’s an ancient timepiece. The arrow casts a shadow on the rings, depending on where the sun is…and that’s how the ancients knew what time it was.
BAILEY: I always wondered how the ancients knew what time The Simpsons started. (Maria playfully hits Bailey on the leg. They laugh.)
MARIA: And those rings…they represent the different circles of heaven.
BAILEY: God, it’s amazing that you just…know this stuff.
MARIA: No more amazing than you knowing all that stuff about business.
BAILEY: Yeah, but that’s different. I mean, it’s not like the formula for calculating gross margin is very romantic.
MARIA: And armillary spheres are? (An awkward moment passes, then Bailey quickly grips his right hand.)
BAILEY: Ow!
MARIA: What happened?
BAILEY: The damn wood on this bench. Must be a splinter.
MARIA: (Smiling) You’re such a baby. Let me see. (Maria moves closer to Bailey, holding his right hand.) If you hold still I think I can get it. (Bailey stares at Maria as she tries pulling the splinter out with her fingernails.) Stop moving or I’ll be here forever. (Bailey sits up straight.) Got it. (Smiling, Maria shows it to Bailey.) You should be ashamed, making such a fuss. (Bailey and Maria are face to face.)
BAILEY: Thanks. (Maria clears her throat, trying casually to scoot a bit further away.) So…
MARIA: So… (She laughs nervously.) You think Will’s feeling any better? (A look of relief sweeps across Bailey’s face.)
BAILEY: Probably. I’ve seen the guy eat stuff that swine would turn down.
MARIA: And Jean’s probably babying him. “How’s my little sweetie-wheetie doing?” “Does your tum-tum still hurt?” (They laugh.)
BAILEY: Those two, they’re so…so…
MARIA: Silly.
BAILEY: Yeah, silly. Crazy.
MARIA: Exactly!
BAILEY: So crazy, that Will even suggested… (He looks at Maria.) Ah, forget it.
MARIA: No, what?
BAILEY: (Shrugging) No, it’s…it’s stupid. (Shaking his head) It’s nothing.
MARIA: (Smiling) So…if it’s nothing, just tell me. (Bailey sighs, then fights back a smile.)
BAILEY: Okay, okay. Will said – and this is nuts, okay? He said since you and I aren’t seeing anyone, that we should…um…
MARIA: We should what?
BAILEY: You know. (Maria shakes her head, and Bailey sighs again.) You know. (Bailey raises his eyebrows.)
MARIA: Oh!
BAILEY: Yeah, oh.
MARIA: Oh.
BAILEY: Silly, huh?
MARIA: Crazy.
BAILEY: (Laughing nervously) Yeah. That’s what I said.
MARIA: (Softly, looking at Bailey) I mean, that would be absurd…right?
BAILEY: (Holding her glance) Absurd. (Maria leans forward, and they begin kissing. They move closer, wrapping their arms around one another, and it gets heavier. After a moment, Maria comes up for air.)
MARIA: What are we doing?
BAILEY: (Jumping off her) I don’t know.
MARIA: This is crazy, isn’t it? Making out on a bench like like a couple of teenagers?
BAILEY: (Out of breath) Totally. I don’t know what came over— (Bailey stops, thinking.)
MARIA: What?
BAILEY: Smelling Salts.
MARIA: Excuse me?
BAILEY: Did I mention that Cole is in Baltimore…for the night? (Maria comprehends this, and the couple get up quickly, almost running toward Bailey’s dorm.)
JULIA’S APARTMENT. JULIA is sitting at the kitchen counter with her laptop set up in front of her. GRIFFIN and OWEN are playing a video football game that’s hooked up to the TV.
JULIA: (Sighing) God, there’s like a gazillion jobs out there, but nothing’s just jumping out at me, you know?
GRIFFIN: (Pressing buttons furiously on the game controller) I’m sure there has to be something that you want to do.
JULIA: It’s not about what I want to do. It’s about what’s available for me to do.
OWEN: Touchdown! I win! Yahoo! (He gets up and does a little dance around the living room. Julia and Griffin laugh.) Snack time. (Owen runs off to the kitchen.)
GRIFFIN: Good job, O. You beat me again. (He sets the game controller down and walks over to Julia.) Of course it’s about what you want to do. You shouldn’t take a job just for the sake of having a job. You know that, Jul.
JULIA: I know, Griffin. But it’s not that easy right now. I have to work, and jobs like the one I had at NOW don’t come along every day.
GRIFFIN: Hang on a second. You don’t have to take the first thing that comes along. You can buy a little time with this, can’t you? You’re doing okay with your savings, right?
JULIA: Yeah, but—
GRIFFIN: So, if you could have any job you wanted, do anything in the world, what would you do?
JULIA: (After a moment) That’s easy. Write. I mean, write fiction.
GRIFFIN: Well, there you go. There’s your answer. (He looks at her and smiles widely.) Do it.
WHARTON BUSINESS SCHOOL at UPenn. BAILEY and MARIA exit a classroom together.
MARIA: (Speaking quickly) …as if it’s not hard enough concentrating on lectures about UL safetly compliances without having the jerk behind you continuously tap his foot on your chair the entire hour…isn’t that rude?…I mean, what kind of inconsiderate idiot would do that?…You wouldn’t put up with something like that, would you?
BAILEY: Me? Well—
MARIA: Of course you wouldn’t…who would?…Any person in their right mind would— You know what?…I’ll bet that’s where they come from.
BAILEY: Who?
MARIA: Telemarketers…those jerks who call us every night at dinner time asking if we want to…to switch long distance companies or transfer our credit card balances…I’ll bet they’re foot-tappers who couldn’t get jobs in offices because no one could take their foot-tapping and what exactly happened last night?
BAILEY: Last night? Uh…
MARIA: I mean…do you think it was a mistake?
BAILEY: Well, I…uh… Do you?
MARIA: I asked you first.
BAILEY: Okay. Well, if you don’t, I don’t. So…do you?
MARIA: Do I what?
BAILEY: Think it was a mistake.
MARIA: Not if you don’t.
BAILEY: Okay. So we both don’t think it was a mistake as long as the other person doesn’t think it was a mistake.
MARIA: Right.
BAILEY: Good…good, because I think it was kinda okay.
MARIA: I don’t.
BAILEY: You don’t? But you just said—?
MARIA: I thought it was better than okay. (They smile embarrassedly.)
CHARLIE’S HOUSE. CHARLIE is asleep, sitting straight up on the living room couch with his feet kicked up on the coffee table, his head leaning back on the pillows. The TV is on and the remote control is still in his hand. The door opens, and Charlie awakens with a jolt. He looks at the doorway, where there appears to be a glowing KIRSTEN. The headlights of a cab parked in the drive way illuminate her like an angel. Stewie is asleep, his head rested on her shoulder. Charlie jumps up from the couch and hurries over to Kirsten. His hair is tousled from his short sleep.
CHARLIE: (Breaking into a smile, rubbing his head) Kirsten. Hey, hi…I didn’t know you were—? Why didn’t you tell me—
KIRSTEN: It was kind of last minute. (Shaking her head) My mother and I just…you know… I had to get out of there.
CHARLIE: Oh, good. I mean, not good, but…it’s good to see you. (Smiling wider) No, it’s great to see you. (He leans in to hug them. Kirsten forces a faint smile as Charlie squeezes her, then places Stewie on the couch, adjusting his blanket. Charlie looks at him and speaks softly.) Hey buddy. God, I’m glad you guys are home.
KIRSTEN: Charlie, could…you get my bags?
CHARLIE: (Looking up) Oh. Yeah, of course. (Charlie heads out the door and Kirsten takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. A moment later, the cabs pulls out as Charlie enters with Kirsten’s bags, setting them down in the entry way.) These weigh a ton. Let me guess – your Mom found a bunch of baby outfits she couldn’t resist at Neiman’s, right?
KIRSTEN: (Looking down) Something like that.
CHARLIE: You must be exhausted.
KIRSTEN: (Nodding) Yeah. I can’t wait to get some sleep. Would you mind bringing Stewie upstairs for me? I want to take a quick shower. (She stands at the bottom of the staircase.)
CHARLIE: Sure… (Kirsten starts walking up the stairs. Charlie calls to her, and she turns around.) Listen, I’m really sorry things didn’t work out better with your Mom. But I’m glad you went. (Kirsten looks up.) I mean I know you were kind of upset when you left, and things between us haven’t been, well—exactly the greatest, and…you called the trip a “break,” and that’s kinda how I was thinking about it, too. But you know what? It took me like one day to figure out…I don’t want a break.
KIRSTEN: Charlie—
CHARLIE: Not from my family…not now, and not ever. It’s not the same without you, Kirsten. Or without Stewie. (Smiling) And you coming home like this… Maybe…maybe it’s a sign, you know? Maybe your coming home means that we’re thinking the same thing. (He pauses.)
KIRSTEN: Are you done?
CHARLIE: What?
KIRSTEN: Are you finished? Because you always do this thing, Charlie…whenever you feel like you’re losing something. You say something so…so nice…so deliberately nice that for awhile I let your words speak louder than your actions.
CHARLIE: Kirsten—
KIRSTEN: Then, when I’m ready to leave because I realize your words are empty, that’s when it occurs to you that you might actually have to back them up. (Charlie sighs.) Charlie, I don’t want you to fight for me to stay…or miss me when I’m gone. I want you to want me when I’m here…and you just don’t do that. (Kirsten breathes in deeply.) And I can’t keep doing this.
CHARLIE: Wait, are you saying…? You’re just giving up?
KIRSTEN: I’m not giving up…and I’m not saying that things won’t get better. But until they do, I think it would be better if I got my own place. (Charlie stares at her with a stunned look as the scene slowly fades to black.)
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