Episode 13:  Happy Holidaze

Previously on "The Salingers":  

CHARLIE:  (to Owen)  I have to leave, O.  (Quickly)  It's only for a little while, and I promise nothing's gonna change, except that I won't be...sleeping at home right now.
***************
KIRSTEN: (to Charlie) I don't want to be apart from you. But maybe, if you're not here, I won't have any expectations...and I won't keep getting disappointed.
***************
CHARLIE:  It never fails, I swear.  Shirts, ties, socks. I always lose my favorite ones.
DAPHNE:  (Bending down to pick up the tie)  Well, maybe you'd better start paying more attention to the things you love best, so you don't lose them anymore.
***************
JULIA:  Look, Charlie.  In the old days, when we were all together, if something like this happened with you and Kirsten, Bailey would have lectured you for screwing up, Claudia would be begging you to make things work...  But after all the screaming and fighting and crying, we'd be there for you... because we love you.  And I know Bay and Claudia aren't here now, but I wanted you to know I am.
 

JULIA’S APARTMENT.  JULIA and BAILEY are in the kitchen.  Julia is making a pot of coffee while Bailey leans against the counter, staring at her with a blank look on his face.

BAILEY:  Don’t you think we had a right to know?  I mean, God, Jul… you could have picked up the phone.
JULIA:  It’s not like that.  Charlie, he—look, I talked to him, alright?
BAILEY:  Fine.  But what?  That means you shut the rest of us out?
JULIA:  That’s not fair.
BAILEY:  C’mon Julia.  You know we don’t work that way.
JULIA:  Look, he—  (Sighs)  He asked me not to say anything.
BAILEY:  He asked you to…?  And you listened!?
JULIA:  Bailey, you haven’t been around.  It’s just… it’s different now.
BAILEY:  Yeah, well, that’s the one thing I agree with you on.  (Bailey shakes his head, glaring at Julia.)
JULIA:  What is that supposed to mean? 
BAILEY:  (Walking away)  Forget it.  It doesn’t matter.
JULIA:  Bailey, don’t… walk away.  Please.  (Bailey stops.)  I’m sorry, okay?
BAILEY:  (Turning around, speaking softly)  It’s not you, Jul.  It’s just—  Everyone thought they made it, you know?  I mean, once they had Stewie, it was like… the picture was complete.  They had it all… perfect family, perfect life.  (Shaking his head)  But if something that perfect can’t work…
JULIA:  Bailey—
BAILEY:  …I mean, what does that say for the rest of us?

PO5 Credits
TODD’S HOUSE.  CLAUDIA and TODD are in sitting on the couch in the living room, drinking steaming mugs of hot chocolate.  There is a fruitcake on the coffee table in front of them, as well as other assorted snacks.  TODD’S MOTHER calls from the kitchen.

 TODD’S MOTHER:  Can I get you kids anything else?  Some sandwiches or something?
TODD:  No, thanks, Mom.  We’re fine.
TODD’S MOTHER:  Be sure to try Aunt Ida’s fruitcake!
TODD:  (Calling to her)  Okay, we will.  (Claudia reaches for a piece of cake and Todd stops her, shaking his head.)  Don’t go there.  I think she has a closet filled with these things from years of people sending them to her.  They’re like petrified or something.  (Claudia gives a perfunctory smile.)  They’d make good doorstops, though.  Or maybe we could start a new Olympic sport—the fruitcake toss.  (Claudia has no reaction.)  Hey, feel free to laugh anytime now...
CLAUDIA:  (Looking serious)  Sorry, Todd.  It’s just… I really thought Charlie and Kirsten got through all the bad stuff before… and believe me, there was a lot of bad stuff.  Who knows what’s going to happen now?  (Sighing)  I usually look forward to our holiday dinners so much, but this year… it feels so different. 
TODD:   Yeah, that would be kind of weird, I guess.  Trying to pretend like nothing’s happened.
CLAUDIA:  Exactly.  I mean, what will we talk about at the dinner table?  There are only so many things I can ask someone to pass.
TODD:  (Smiling)  You can talk about your adventures in Denver.  About your fifteen minutes of fame with the reporters…  (He slides closer to her.)  I’m sure you’ll find plenty of things to talk about.
CLAUDIA:  That’s the thing, Todd.  Sure, we can find things to talk about, but I feel like if we all start talking about everything else then it’s going to seem like we’re trying not to talk about what’s really going on.  Which is exactly the point and what’s going to make everything completely awkward.  (She exhales deeply.)
TODD:  Well… then maybe you should come have dinner here.  With me and my folks. 
CLAUDIA:  Thanks, Todd.  But I don’t know…
TODD:  Why not?  I know they’d love to have you.  And it’s better than sitting through some dinner you’re not looking forward to anyway, right?
CHARLIE’S HOUSE.  KIRSTEN is sitting behind Charlie’s desk.  A pile of mail lies in front of her.  An open envelope is at the top of the pile, and Kirsten is holding a Christmas card out in front of her, reading it.  Her bottom lip is quivering, and she loses a battle to hold back tears. Bailey walks in, and she tries to wipe them away quickly, but he has already seen.

BAILEY:  Another sappy Christmas card, huh?  Personally, I think they do more harm than good.
KIRSTEN:  Yeah, I guess it’s just this time of year, you know?  Heightened emotions, closeness of spirit… tears are just a half a poem away.
BAILEY:  That’s only if you understand them.  Which, by the way, explains my dry eyes during every meaningful toast.  Julia, she blubbers as soon as someone puts together two or three words I have to look up in the dictionary.  I guess I’m just not that deep.
KIRSTEN:  Don’t sell yourself short, Bailey.  So you don’t know a limerick from a couplet.  You think women really care about that?  (She shakes her head.) 
BAILEY:  They don’t?
KIRSTEN:  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  All that romantic stuff is great, but it doesn’t mean anything unless you know it’s backed by genuine feelings.  And people sense that in you, Bailey.  I saw it with Sarah, with Holly.  You make them feel… loved.  (Kirsten pauses, holding back tears.)  And believe me, that’s worth a thousand meaningless words.
CHARLIE’S HOUSE.  CLAUDIA and OWEN are sitting on the floor in the living room, wrapping presents.  Gift wrap and ribbons are spread out everywhere, and a radio is softly playing Christmas music in the background.  Owen is struggling with the small gift he is wrapping.  

CLAUDIA:  (Looking over at Owen)  Here, O.  Fold it like this.  (She reaches over and  folds one end of the paper and then the other, and tucks it neatly onto the edge of the box.)  Now put your tape on.  (Owen sticks a piece of tape onto the wrapping paper.)
 OWEN:  There!
 CLAUDIA:  (Smiling)  Good job.  Now try the other side.  (Owen turns the box around, and meticulously attempts to fold the paper neatly.  His tongue sticks out of one side of his mouth as he works.)  That’s it.
 OWEN:  Claudia?  Did our Mom and Dad ever live apart from each other?
CLAUDIA:  (Surprised)  Well, um… actually… I think I remember Charlie saying something about that once, but it was before you and I were born.
OWEN:  (Looking at Claudia)  But they got back together and everything was okay, right?
CLAUDIA:  (Nodding) Yes…
OWEN:  So is that what’s going to happen with Charlie and Kirsten?  They’ll stop being mad at each other and Charlie will come back home and everything will be alright again?
 CLAUDIA:  (Sighing)  I wish I could promise you that, Owen, but I just don’t know. Sometimes… sometimes when people are apart, it can make them miss each other and realize how much they want to be together.  So I guess we’ll just have to hope that’s what happens.  (Owen looks down, and Claudia strokes his hair.)
CHARLIE’S HOUSE.  CHARLIE is in the bedroom, standing on a small stepladder and reaching up into one of the shelves in the closet.  He pushes several boxes aside and finally pulls down a wrapped Christmas gift.  He goes over to the bed and sits down, looking at the gift in his hands.  He shakes his head and his eyes tear up as he touches the small, beautifully wrapped box.   He wipes at his eyes as he sits, thinking.
CHARLIE’S HOUSE.  OWEN and BAILEY are in the living room, pulling some presents from a large bag and placing them under the Christmas tree.   

OWEN:  Bailey?
BAILEY:  Yeah?
OWEN:  How does Santa Claus know to bring our presents here?
BAILEY:  (Puzzled)  Because Santa knows where every little boy and girl lives.
OWEN:  Well, then…how come he brings Diana’s presents here and to Daphne’s?
BAILEY:  Uh…because he knows that Diana sometimes stays here, and sometimes stays at her mom’s.
OWEN:  (Thinking)  But…how does he know when she’s here and when she’s there?
BAILEY:  (Scratching his head)  He just does.  Why all the questions, O?
OWEN:  (Looking down, playing with a ribbon on a small wrapped box he’s holding)  Well…I was just thinking.  If Kirsten stays mad at Charlie, he may not come back.  And if he has to live someplace else, where am I going to live?  (Bailey lowers his hand, rests it on his chin, covering his mouth.)  When you went away to school, I had to come here and live with Charlie and Kirsten.  So, when Charlie goes away, does that mean I stay here with Kirsten?  Or am I going to go live with Charlie?
BAILEY:  (Breathes in deeply)  I don’t think you should worry about that now, Owen. 
OWEN:  But I have to.  (Bailey bends down, looking in Owen’s eyes.)
BAILEY:  What do you say we just get through Christmas first, huh buddy? 
OWEN:  (Looks up at Bailey)  But if I don’t know where I am going to live…then how will Santa find me?
BAILEY:  (Embraces him)  He will, O…I promise.  He will.
CHARLIE’S HOUSE.  Tabletop Christmas decorations have been placed around the living room.  CLAUDIA is standing on a ladder, stringing some Christmas lights along the top of the wall when KIRSTEN enters.

KIRSTEN:  (Looking around the room)  Wow, Claud.  Everything looks great.  (Claudia continues with the lights, as Kirsten notices a table that is displaying a small Christmas village.)  You’ve really given this place some Christmas cheer.  God knows it could use it.
 CLAUDIA:  Uh-huh.
KIRSTEN:  (Sighing)  I started to put the decorations up, but… I don’t know.  I just wasn’t feeling the same way I usually do.  I tried to make myself do it, thinking I’d somehow get in the spirit, but when it wasn’t happening, I just kind of gave up.
CLAUDIA:  (Looking down at her)  Well, that’s the easy way out.  (She descends the ladder.)
KIRSTEN:  Excuse me?
CLAUDIA:  Maybe you shouldn’t have given up.  Maybe you should have just tried harder.  (Kirsten holds her stare as Claudia walks away.)
SALINGERS’ RESTAURANT.  CHARLIE and BAILEY are in the office.  Charlie sits at a desk, and Bailey stands on the other side, leaning forward with both hands on the desk.

CHARLIE:  (In disbelief)  Christmas dinner here… at Salingers’.
 BAILEY:  Why not?  It’s not like we’ve never done it before.  (Charlie looks down, shaking his head.)  C’mon, Charlie.  Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t.  (Charlie thinks for a moment.) 
CHARLIE:  Okay.  (Looking up)  How about the fact I’m here four nights a week busting my ass so we don’t lose this place… when in reality, losing this place would be like a Godsend to me.
BAILEY:  Oh, that’s just great, Charlie.   (Bailey sits down, and Charlie stands up, looking around the office.) 
CHARLIE:  Or how about the fact that all the great memories I’m supposed to have of this place… everything it represents…  They’re being replaced by resentment. 
BAILEY:  Look, I know things have been rough, okay?  But… what are we supposed to do?  Expect Kirsten to make everyone dinner like…  (Bailey stops.)
CHARLIE:  Like what?
BAILEY:  Like everything’s normal.  (Charlie looks to the side, smiling in disbelief.)  Charlie, I know this is none of my business—
CHARLIE:  You’re right: it’s not.
BAILEY:  (Closing his eyes)  —But I’ve been in her place, okay?  I’ve been there.  (Shaking his head)  And being the one who always wants more time together… the one who always has to fight for that time… it just – I don’t know – it makes you feel like… you’re the only one who cares.  (Charlie sits back down.  After a moment he begins speaking in a softer tone, looking down.)
CHARLIE:  You know what I don’t get?  I’m not doing anything different than what Dad did.  He did this for twenty years, but not once… not once did anyone ever accuse him of being a bad father or a bad husband.  (Bailey looks up.)  So why is it any different with me?
DAPHNE’S APARTMENT.  DAPHNE is in the kitchen, wearing a Santa hat and a full body apron that depicts a very shapely “Ms. Santa” outfit, complete with red trim and a black belt.  She leans over and looks into the oven, checking on the cookies she’s baking.  KIRSTEN is sitting in a chair a few feet away from the kitchen table, which is covered with bowls, flour, cookie cutters, and dough.

KIRSTEN:  I don’t know… maybe I just should skip it this year.
 DAPHNE:  (Standing in front of the table, pouring sprinkles on the cookies)  Skip Christmas dinner?  Kirsten, that would be awful.   Absolutely not.
KIRSTEN:  Yeah, but… I feel weird.  Like… everyone’s blaming me for what’s going on.  (She sighs heavily.) 
DAPHNE:  Listen, just because you and Charlie are going through some rough times doesn’t mean you should skip Christmas.   And you shouldn’t feel guilty about doing something you felt in your heart you had to do.
KIRSTEN:  Thanks, Daphne.  And I know that everything I’ve done has been justified — I mean, I thought things out a lot, you know?  But… (shaking her head) …I just don’t think I can be around everyone and act like everything’s fine.  I just keep thinking I should let Charlie be with his family and… maybe it would be better if I just didn’t go.
JULIA AND GRIFFIN’S APARTMENT COMPLEX.  JULIA is leading GRIFFIN to her small, attached garage.  They approach the side door, and Julia tries containing her smile as GRIFFIN looks confused.
 
 GRIFFIN:  Jul, what are we doing here?
JULIA:  (Smiling)  I said no questions, Griffin.  Just close your eyes. 
GRIFFIN:  Close my…?  (Smiling)  What?  (Julia unlocks the door then stands behind Griffin, covering his eyes.)
JULIA:  No peeking.  (They begin moving into the garage.)
GRIFFIN:  Hey, your fingers are cold.  (Julia laughs.)  They feel like ten little, frozen—  (Julia uncovers Griffin’s eyes and he sees a black motorcycle with an enormous red ribbon on it.)  Whoa. 
JULIA:  (Smiling)  You like it?
GRIFFIN:  It’s… wow.  Julia—
JULIA:  Merry Christmas. 
GRIFFIN:  Merry…?  Julia, I—  (Exhales deeply)  Whoa.  (He examines the bike up close.) 
JULIA:  It’s a Sturgess… just like your old one.  Well, at least that’s what Spike said.  He sorta helped me find it.
GRIFFIN:  This puts my old one to shame. 
JULIA:  Oh.  Well, that’s even better, right?
GRIFFIN:  Jul, I… I don’t know what to say. 
JULIA:  (Smiling)  Say you love it.
GRIFFIN:  I do.  Of course I do, it’s just—  (Sighs)  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s great, but… it’s too much.  I can’t take this. 
JULIA:  Don’t be silly.  Of course you can.
GRIFFIN:  No, it’s just… you don’t understand…
JULIA:  Griffin, listen.  (She takes Griffin’s hands and puts them on her waist.)  You know I love you, right?
GRIFFIN:  Well, sure… but—
JULIA:  No but’s.  I love you, and I want to give this to you.  (Pointing to the headers on the exhaust)  Spike even found the little pipe thingies you like.  (Griffin looks at the bike.)  So… do you love it?
GRIFFIN:  I love you.  (Julia smiles, and they hug.  Griffin looks at the bike as they hug, and his smile fades.)
CHARLIE’S HOUSE.  OWEN and DIANA are opening the last of their gifts.  There are piles of torn wrapping paper and bows everywhere.  STEWIE is in the middle of the floor, happily grabbing on to the shiny ribbons and paper and tossing them up in the air.  He smiles and giggles.  KIRSTEN is sitting on the couch in her bathrobe, watching the children. Her face is drawn and she looks tired.
  
DIANA:  Kirsten, look!  (Holding up a small doll that has no eyes, nose or mouth)  I got a “What’s Her Face” doll!!  I’m going to draw her some blue eyes just like Mommy.  (She smiles widely and hugs the doll to her.) 
KIRSTEN:  (Nodding)  Mmm-hmm.  (Owen sorts through the last of the gifts under the tree, and pulls out a small wrapped box.)
 OWEN:  (Looking at the tag)  Here’s one more for you, Kirsten. 
KIRSTEN:  Huh?
OWEN:  It’s from Charlie.  (He walks over and thrusts the gift at her.  She hesitates for a moment, then takes it.)
KIRSTEN:  (Smiling wanly)  Thanks.  (Kirsten’s face falls as Owen goes back to the gifts under the tree.  She sits for a moment before slowly tearing off the wrapping to reveal a small, rectangular red velvet box.  She opens the box and sees a beautiful gold chain with a heart-shaped locket.  She holds up the chain and opens the locket. The camera pans in to show a tiny picture of Charlie, Kirsten and the kids inside.  Kirsten turns the locket over and sees it is inscribed simply “Love always.  C.”  Kirsten clutches the locket and covers her mouth.  Her eyes well up with tears as the scene fades.)
JULIA’S APARTMENT.  JULIA is in her bedroom, getting ready for Christmas dinner.  Already dressed, GRIFFIN sits on her bed, thinking.  Julia takes a strand of pearls off of her dresser and lifts her hair in the back.  

JULIA:  Grif, would you mind?
GRIFFIN:  Huh?  Oh, sure.  (Griffin stands up and takes the pearls.  Standing behind her, he attaches it and she lets her hair down.  Julia turns toward him.)
JULIA:  Look okay?  (Griffin looks at her for a moment, then leans forward and kisses her.  Julia smiles.)  I think I’ll take that as a yes.
GRIFFIN:  Julia, listen.  That bike… it’s pretty much the nicest thing anyone’s ever given me… and I love you for that.  I do.  (Julia smile begins to fade.)
JULIA:  Okay.
GRIFFIN:  But… when I sold my motorcycle before, it wasn’t just a money thing.  Not to me.  (Looking down)  Look, I know this is gonna sound stupid.  But selling my bike… I don’t know.  It meant something to me.  (Looking up)  It meant putting Matthew first.  (Sighs)  So when I look at this bike… I don’t know. 
JULIA:  Griffin, that’s great.
GRIFFIN:  You’re not mad?
JULIA:  Of course not.  How you feel about Matthew, I think that’s so beautiful.  (Griffin smiles shyly.)  But Griffin, taking this bike isn’t going to change anything.  You already made your commitment by selling your bike, right?.  I mean, you don’t have to become a different person to be a good father.  You’re a great father now.  (She pauses.)  Keep the bike, okay?  (Griffin thinks for a moment, then kisses Julia.) 
Should I take that as a yes, too?  (They both smile.)
SALINGERS’.  The restaurant is decorated festively for the holiday, with twinkling lights and garland draped along the walls.  There’s a large Christmas tree on one side of the main dining room, adorned with burgundy ribbons, gold ornaments and white lights.  BAILEY, LUKE, DAPHNE, CLAUDIA and KIRSTEN are sitting at a large table, with drinks in front of them.  MATTHEW and STEWIE sit in high-chairs next to Daphne and Kirsten, and OWEN and DIANA are running around the table. 
 
 DAPHNE:  Diana, honey, please stop that and sit down like a lady.  (Diana giggles and hides behind Luke’s chair.)  Please?  For Mommy? 
DIANA:  Okay.  But I’m hungry.
DAPHNE:  I know.  We’ll be eating soon.
BAILEY:  Come on, Owen.  (He motions to the seat next to him and Owen sits down.
(JULIA and GRIFFIN enter the restaurant, and wave to everyone.)
CLAUDIA:  Hi, Jul.
JULIA:  Merry Christmas, everybody!
OWEN:  Julia!  (He gets up and runs over to Julia, hugging her.)  I want Julia to sit next to me.
JULIA:  (Smiling)  Okay, O.  (Owen takes her by the hand and she follows him to an empty chair.  Griffin pulls the chair back for her and she sits down.  She looks around the table but doesn’t say anything.  A waiter approaches and speaks to Bailey.)
WAITER:  (Holding up a small pad)  Are we ready to order now?
BAILEY:  Um… we’re waiting on just one more.  Can you give us a few minutes, Tom?
WAITER:  Sure, Mr. Salinger.  I’ll be back shortly.  (There’s an awkward silence as everyone looks at the empty seat next to Kirsten.)
GRIFFIN:  Mmm, I can’t wait to taste that turkey. 
LUKE:  Yeah, I’ve been saving up all day.  (Kirsten nods and smiles slightly.)
CLAUDIA:  Me too.  But I think I’ve used up all of my savings.  Luke, could you pass me the bread please?  It’s going to get cold if we don’t eat it.  (Luke passes her a basket of warm bread.)
DAPHNE:  Good idea.  I think Miss Fidget over here could use some of that, too.  (Claudia hands Daphne the basket.  She butters a piece of bread and gives it to Diana.)  Here you go, Pumpkin.
DIANA:  (Looking around the room while she eats her bread)  Mommy, where’s Daddy?  (Everyone is silent.  Daphne looks at Kirsten, who purses her lips and doesn’t say anything.  Suddenly CHARLIE enters and pulls up a chair in between Kirsten and Diana.)
CHARLIE:  Daddy’s here… (He kisses Diana on the head, and looks at Kirsten, who manages a small smile.  Bailey raises his hang to flag down Tom, the waiter.  Tom sees this and walks over.)
TOM:  Yes?
BAILEY:  We’re, um… (smiling, as he looks at everyone at the table) …we’re all here now.  (Conversations come to life as the picture fades.)
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